Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Even little miss chatterbox shuts up from time to time.

Two days to bout two. I have to say, I'm pretty excited. I had a little interview on Radio Adelaide this morning about it, with my derby Wife Champion Ruby. I always tell people that I have a face for radio (insert canned laughter here), but the full truth is, I don't even have a voice for it either. I freeze up! Now, absolutely anyone who knows me or has even met me for thirty seconds will attest to the fact that I am never at a loss for words... except in radio interviews. I have absolutely no recollection of anything I said, so I hope I was diplomatic. And scary. Us derby girls should be a little edgy I think.

So, this saturday is our second bout. We're playing the Mile Die Club. They're a really good team, last year's champions. I'm interested to see what they bring to the table, they have different strengths to the Wild Hearses so I imagine we'll have to change our game a bit. Maybe. Maybe we'll be totally kick-ass and rumble 'em, who can know? All I know is I wanna skate fast and stay outta the box. I'll report how it goes, especially if I skate fast, I'll probably just pout about anything else.

Moving on. So I've been doing my dreads lately. I would like to clear up a few things about dreads. Firstly, you don't have to be a dirty bag to have them. I wash my hair weekly, I'm very conscious of keeping them clean. Secondly, they're not an 'easy' or 'lazy' hairstyle. Admittedly, on a daily basis I don't have to 'do' my hair, just select a band to wear, but every couple of months when I re-do the roots, it's about ten hours of maintenance. Now, I'd like to rattle off a quick list of facts about them:

- They increase head size - if you're a hat wearer, contemplate this, I wear size 8' hats now.

- Same goes if you play a sport that requires helmets to be worn. Can be costly.

- They keep your head warm, which is good in winter, not so good any other time.

- They take a long time to dry. In winter, about two days.

- They increase coolness factor. Everyone knows only the cool kids have dreads.

- They complement tattoos very well.

- They can bring out the inner rasta in a person, also cool.

- They can be employed as weapons when the head is whipped around suddenly.

- This can backfire if they hit you in your own head.

- They can make your head pretty heavy. Not for the weak of neck.

Now, here is a little exercise. Above are three pictures of dreadlocks. Two of them are unhealthy, gross and probably house any number of living creatures, all sharing the love. One of them is me. pick the one which is me. If you need a hint, mine are the same colour as vanilla ice cream...

A guy came into work today, looked at my hair and said:

'Are they dreadlocks?'

I raised my head slowly and replied:

'Nope, I have a hundred-forty assholes on my head that shit white fuzzy turds. It's potty time.'

In reality, what I said was:

'yes they are.'


rant over.

In other news, it looks like I may be morphing into one of those metro, uppity coffee addicts. I'm fighting it (feebly), but it's hard when you're sleepy and still have shit to do. I used to only drink it to be social when out with my sisters, and I used to order a quarter strength. Now, I just get regular strength, and in a large size! I never believed it when people said they had a caffeine high, I honestly didn't. Now, I do. My heart felt like it was made of balsa wood and it was on top of an indusrial size fan, jumping and flipping wildly this way and that. It made me feel weak and ineffectual and I don't think I'll last long with this fad.

I'd like to finish off with a fact that I like. DID YOU KNOW that the first person to deliberately go over Niagara Falls was a woman? No? Well, let me enlighten you. Her name was Annie (not the orphan kind) and she was a school teacher in New York State. She figured that it would make her famous and thus, rich. She packed herself into a barrel with a pillow and a (I swear this is true) CAT and off she popped. Whaaaaaaat the faaaark? I do know that when I contemplate death-defying feats that are more than likely to result in my death, the thought of doing it without my cat is too much to bear, just too much. She survived. So did the cat. When the barrel was opened up and she emerged, her first words were:

'Nobody ought ever do that again.' How proper. Naturally, many people did but that's for another time. I learnt that fact when I was in Niagara falls, I did not make it up, even I couldn't make up something that dumb.

Well, that's it for now, until after the epic battle Saturday night,


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