Sunday, May 23, 2010

Working late and miffed bout it? Write a blog.

Right, so I'd like to open with a bit of a paradox I came up with today. Wtf is with the clubsport, Holden? Here is a gutsy, quick, hot looking car with a name like clubsport? Club.Sport. That is by far the gayest thing I've ever heard. Now I'm not talking about the cool kinda gay, the Samantha Ronsons, the Ellen and Portias, Prince, etc, I'm talking about the shit kind, like security guards on power trips and teenagers who think they're cool when they're not. Lame kinda stuff. Say it out loud in a voice like the one employed by Jim Carrey in In Living Colour when he portrays a bodybuilding woman who had her uterus turned into a tobacco pouch (wanna pinch?)... yes, gay. If that doesn't work, say it like Carlotta from What a Drag. You get the picture. Holden, if you're reading this (there is a very high chance of that), change it please. Unless it's a joke on stupid car heads that drive them - in that case, well played, sir, well played.
Next. We lost Lacrosse again yesterday. I'm no mathemagician, but I am beginning to see a pattern forming. There was a girl that played for them who annoys the shit outta me. She is big and fat (not that I got anything against fat ppl, just sayin'), and has pinchy little lips like those of a chicken or more accurately a chicken caricature. She looks like Miss Birdy of the McDonalds fast food chain (not sure if you've heard of it). She would not shut the fuck up. I beat her one time, and she panted 'you're fast, I couldnt keep up with you.' I thought 'I'm 32. The only time I'm fast is when I have wheels on my feet. I'm also shit at this game. I beat you cos you're fat and lazy and won't shut your beak.' Naturally I didn't say that, cos I'm not actually an asshole in person, just here so all I did was smile. Come to think of it, she would've fit perfectly into the musical I saw the other day. My mate was in it. it was called Honk and is the story of the ugly duckling. It was very cleverly done, with the actors dressed up in clothes that suggested what kind of animal they were. I really enjoyed it. Next time I play against annoying chicken beak girl I will suggest she audition.
Another thing happened in my lacrosse game yesterday - I had my first one handed catch on my off side. I was so shocked to see it go in there, I yelled out OHHHHHH!!! Then I thought that the crowd should acknowledge my feat, so I turned my head to them, shouted it louder, whilst pointing to my stick (with the ball in it) with my other hand. They were awed and amused so I was pleased. I can't remember what I did after that, probably dropped the ball, that sounds like me.
The last thing of note that happened was near the end of the game. They were beating us by about 13, and we were lining up to (I don't know what you call it actually, face off?) start again. As I stood there, panting like the asthmatic that I am, focusing on the centre draw, I heard their coach yell 'I smell fear!'... Ok. Let's pause here for a second to bring up a few points:
1. - This is the lowest grade that any adult can play.
2. - I haven't played for even a year yet but I can't recall being fearful at any time thus far.
3. - What kind of retard yells that out, ever?
...'I smell fear!'... my instant reply was 'nope, not afraid, I did fart though, it's probably that you can smell.' Yep, we might've lost the war, but I won that battle.
So, that's about it for me on this Sunday evening. I must go and resurface now, I'm going to pretend I'm driving a Clubsport and hang it out! Not really.
Enjoy your monday (no capital letter cos I hate them)!


  1. Wifey, I can just see you pointing at your stick in amazement. You are special x

    PS AHA HAHHAHA! My word verification is 'mates'!

  2. I use the term 'lamegay' a lot. It has the built in qualifier.

  3. Wifey that's obviously a sign! More accurately I was running and shouting like a complete git, but if the shoe fits, might as well play lacrosse in it!
    Hey Jess me n my mate Gazz combined gay and lame so we call things glame sometimes! It was secret business cos my gf at the time hated ppl who use gay as a derogatory term. I think it's my prerogative 2 do so, like only black ppl r allowed 2 use the n word.