Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I wanna talk now about derby last night. it was an important practice. We had practice bouts scheduled and our captain had said that since about eight ppl in our team wanna jam, she'd give us all a go and the top five scorers would get a chance in our upcoming bout on the 8th of May. Since I really wanna jam, I knew I had to work hard. I ate healthy all day, drank lots of the ol h20 and was all set... or so I thought. When I got home from work, I had the mad poo pain so off I went to the can. Diarrhoea ensued. Bad. The dog came in the room and turned straight on her heel, and she eats shit. I looked at it before I flushed, which is rare for me, but it was so odd that it actually caight my eye. It looked like spew. I can safely say I don't reckon I've ever done a poo that looked like chunder before. I thought to myself 'ooh, that's not good' but thought nothing more of it at the time. Shoot forward to derby practice... The bout had started and I had already had a jam as posi 3, which I like. Then I was handed the jammer helmet panty. In my head I was grinning ear to ear. Outwardly, cool as a blah. I did my jam. I can't even remember it which is bizarre except to say that I got three points and the other jammer none, which is a good thing. Not great, but good. Then, the problem. Usually, I can go back to back without a second thought. Especially a night when a lot rides on it and I have to try to show how hard I can work. My mate asked if I was right to go in as 3 again, and I said ...no. Just like that. No. I was knackered and couldn't seem to catch my breath. I was pissed off and shameful but I didn't show it cos remember, I am cool as blah. Anyway, next time I went in as Jammer I was put in against Smarty Pants. For anyone who is a serious follower of roller derby, that name is household. She's one of the top derby players in the world, here at the mo to train us. Inside: shitting pants. Outside: not even gunna say it again. Anyhoo, somehow my blockers were amazing and I must have been doing a lil ducking n weaving but I got lead jammer. It's Smarty though, nobody on this planet can keep her back for long. So she caught me and got in front of me and held me there *looks down in shame... actually I was already looking down cos I can't touchtype but you get the gist* and I was just too fuct to get around her or even give it a decent effort! She hit me down again and again and I kept getting up but the last one she got a bit of distance on me and I was hurting. THEN: she mooned me! Right there on the track! A lil tiny waning gibbous peeking out the top of her shorts and gently swaying from side to side. Naturally I laughed and then called the jam off cos I was lead so at least she didn't get any points. She might be my derby hero. Later, I missed some spots cos of ppl having penalties but I didn't mind, shit happens and besides, I was dead. The last jam of the night I got put in as jammer and even my cool exterior cracked and I smiled a lil bit. When it comes to jamming I'm like Garth from Wayne's world when he plays the drums in that shop - 'I like to play'... I skated my butt off, my blockers were filth I and lapped the other jammer and I reckon I might have even passed one more player before the jam ended which meant that I got 6 and they got none which is freaking sweet and I felt good about my bad ass self again. Not until I got home did I realise Why I had no energy, the damn diarrhoea! I can't believe what a difference it made. I wish I had a moral to this mammoth rant but I don't cos who knows when they're gunna get the shits and who can help it?
K signing out, til nextie,
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
aaanyway so I'm using my iPhone so if my spelling is out, LAY OFF, the keys are real small and I hate landscape, almost as much as I hate cyclists.
... No, there's no disclaimer of 'just kidding heh heh' I really do hate them, they're in my way and can't go as fast as my car.
So a kinda funny thing happened today on my way 2 work. I was already late cos I spent 2 long on Twitter (robot) and my beautiful gf (who I love madly) was in the car with me. She wanted a 'Synergy' drink (which they don't sell enuf of) so I pulled in2 a servo on port rd, the only place I know who sells it. When we were ready 2 leave, we lined up at the driveway. Some stupid doddery old bitch was in front. It became clear pretty quick that she wanted 2 pull out straight in2 the FAR lane. It was peak hour. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon 2 figure out that's just not gunna happen. Waiting...
Waiting. About ten 2 twelve cars lined up behind her now. I gave a polite toot toot. This started the barrage. Other ppl tooted too, then ppl started shouting. I started laughing and tooted more. The lady second in line leant out her window and shouted something. More tooting. I put my thumb on the horn and left it there. My gf was horrified n started trying to stop me. I had to use both hands. She was trying frantically to rip them off and juggle her drink and yell at me all at once. I was laughing and tooting. Ppl started shouting more. Words like 'stupid', 'bitch' and 'moron' were flying around, and not just from my mouth. The lady second in line got out of her car and went up 2 the alleged moron, shouting and gesturing wildly with her hands... The woman still sat there.
Eventually, she crawled off and we had seriously spent about 5 mins in that servo. That's way 2 long if ur not even buying fuel. Consequently, I was 5 mins late 2 work.
The moral of this story? There isn't one really. Just don't piss ppl off when it's peak hour n ur a doddery old bitch who can't drive.
That is all, work 2 do.
taps fingers together...
Maybe I'll tweet about it. I am so advanced.
P.S. How much of a fuck up is Heidi Montag? I'm not even sorry to say it. She was a hottie and now she looks like a scary fembot. Aaaand, wtf is with her husband (are they married) Spencer Pratt???? I haven't seen anyone live up to their name so well since Mr Blackman taught me in year 3. And yes, he was black. And no, I'm not racist, just stating a fact.