Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A snowflake in my eye... I'd better use this firework to clean that up.

Ok. So, maybe a road trip in a land known for snow wasn't my finest idea ever, but never one to quit - drive we did. Luckily for us, the lady at the car rental place knew that the compact car we had booked would probably be blown into a river, so she advised that we hire a bigger one. She also advised that we hire a gps, and I think that I may nominate her for sainthood for that little gem. Most useful thing ever.
So, off we popped. getting out of NY city was actually not as hard as I thought it would be, and we were on the road in no time. We drove and drove and drove some more, I found some cool energy drinks, so when we drove past the sign to the fireworks store, I was buzzing for more reasons than one. Oddly, Kat was not excited at all about the fireworks. My mind was boggling but I didn't let that stem my childish joy at finding a surplus of things that could blow my face off. I made a little video log of this event, but that won't be posted until I let them off, hopefully tonight. In the meantime, here is a pic of the wares I chose.
So, after the fireworks store, we drove on. We had to stop, cos the interior lights were on, and we thought we had left a door open. I made Kat get out in the freezing snow and test them all, but the light stayed on. We were baffled, until I realised that I had turned the lights on when I was fiddling with the controls earlier. Kat was less than pleased, but I chalked that down to hilarious road trip experience and wore Kat's punch as a token of her jovial agreement. Further on, she complained and I agreed that we were hungering for some fresh fruit and veg. I asked her why she didn't buy an apple at the last service station we visited. She answered that it was probably covered with spermicide... at least it won't make baby apples.
Since the drive was a little harder than I had anticipated on account of all the white stuff, we stayed overnight in a motel in a place called Dansville. The diner advertised all you can eat crab legs, but I went for a ten dollar steak instead. I ordered it still mooing for its mother, and it was perfect, I almost cried - ten bucks for a juicy steak in a crab scented diner - heaven.
We slept in a bit the next day - we had watched a lovely program about a guy who murdered another guy and somehow I had trouble sleeping in our little tiny isolated motel...
So, we arrived a bit later than I had thought we would, but in plenty of time to go out and get smashed. The bar had a band that actually was pretty good, despite the bald guitarist adopting a hardcore gun slinging stance that better suited Jimmy page. The waitress told me 'I love your voice!' and i said 'You haven't heard me sing.'
Sunday we slept til midday, recovering, and then we popped down to the mall. In keeping with my NY experience, nowhere had any snow boots that fit me, so I continued to slip n slide through the snow in my street shoes. I hadn't been to that mall in six years, and it still smelled the exact same. Weird.
Monday we got up and going earlier. I slid the car into a snow bank again, turns out the rental has lousy traction. Fun, scary, fun over and over. We got to town, found a park and as I was digging change out of my pocket, I heard Kat talking to someone. He was about maybe 50-60 years old and was telling her the tale of his hitch hiking trip across Australia. He then explained where he was going - a store called Kingsmill's - the last department store in North America with elevator operators. He said we had to see it. I said we would, but after we ate. He then insisted he buy us a pizza, he wouldn't take no for an answer, so off we popped. It was huge. And covered in delicious meat. After Kat got done picking hers off, it was pretty much a cheese slice for her. This guy's name is Neile. He likes to do one kindness for a stranger each day. he also bought us chocolate milk. This is Canadian ethos at its finest. After we were done, we then went to Kingsmill's and found Neile again. This is Neile. He asked us for a postcard from Paris. I'm gunna send him one from everywhere, he'll end up with enough to plaster a dunny.
Monday night I was very excited about! We set off to meet the Forest City Derby Girls. The minger of a gps took us on every single frickin highway it could find, and it must be known that HIGHWAY DRIVING SUCKS ACE HERE IN THE WINTER, so we were late. I have to admit, I expected some sort of sports centre. No. These girls are pure hardest core. They train in winter in a BARN. Behold:
I have never seen such commitment to this sport! They drive out here, in the middle of woop woop and train in sweaters and all! I have never trained in thermals before. I'm not sure I even sweated, and they worked me hard! I had to have my puffer like three times, cos the air was so cold! And the floor! So slippery! These girls are amazing skaters, they've adapted to their conditions and still shredded. Unsurprisingly, they were all super nice and I laughed my ass off the whole time. Notice the slim nature of the barn? If you hit someone to the outside, they smash into the wall! It was awesome! Anya Face was running the training - she's amazing. She joined in a hitting drill later on and I just could not evade her, her timing is wicked! Sufferjet (who organised our visit) was kicking ass too, so speedy - actually all of them were whipping around, my quads were screaming. There's a chick called Slacker as well - holy snowballs can she hit! Explosion after explosion accompanied with maniacal laughter had me alternating between fear and extreme derby crush. They taught me some new tricks that I'll be bringing home and also left me with a nice bruise - this is courtesy of a small firecracker speedster called Mirambo, with whom I swapped my sweater - the bottom pic shows how ADRD is represented in Canada now! I didn't get to know all the girls' names, but I can say that I was instantly spewing that I couldn't hang with them more. They would all slot right in to ADRD like a finger in a bum.
After the training, I got bogged in the snow and they pushed me out as well. Champions, is every sense of the word.
Tuesday I drove us to a little town called Stratford. Sooooo cute. They're famous for making these chocolates called Mint Smoothies, so naturally we got some. And some more. It's really cool to see the smaller towns and stuff over here, you get a really well rounded experience. Here's Kitty soaking up the architectural ambiance.Last night we went to the movies with Brenda, my most awesome friend with whom we are staying. Get this - the movies here. It was tight ass Tuesday (still over $10 in Oz), and we selected The Green Hornet. As I pressed the touch screen on the self-service machine, the price per ticket came up: $8.99. Bren says 'that's expensive - it's cheap Tuesday... oh that's right, it's 3D.'
Look at the drink we got. No supersize, just a regular large. Note the size compared to Kitty's head.Ok, that's almost long enough. I have to split the Canada trip into two, cos we still have fireworks, pond hockey and tobogganing to go, but I just wanna talk about Bren to finish up.
I met Brenda when I came here in 2004. We instantly got along so well cos she's so amicable and funny to boot. I didn't know the half of it until we started to hang out more. This is the deal with Bren: she is perhaps the coolest person on earth. Cooler than me, and that's hard to top, let's face reality here. I have never in my life met anyone like her. She loves her kids more that life itself. I'm serious, I'd rather sneak up and steal a cub from a Tigress than fuck with Bren, she will flat out deck you, she actually once beat a guy to a pulp for acting very inappropriately towards her daughter Hannah. Also, nobody knows anyone stronger than this woman. There's been times when she's been exceedingly unwell (it's not my prerogative to divulge details, but I mean scary unwell) and she doesn't miss a stride. She's been a missionary, delivered babies that would have died without her presence and she volunteers for the homeless in soup kitchens every week. She also can down a hell of a lot of beer and plays hockey like a champ. You wish you knew this person. yeah, she's ok. Her kids are both normal in the sense that teenagers do teenage shit, which is cool, but they also both have a very grounded sense of themselves in the scheme of things and they take their education very seriously. They also both are somehow able to excel at absolutely any sport they try. Bastards. Also, Bren's parents live with her now too, which is awesome because they are so super cute and her Dad says 'eh' all the time.
Ok! That really is enough. I need to go and throw a snowball at Kitty's crotch.
Til NY!

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