In the cold November rain...

Welcome, everyone to the new exciting me! ...and by 'new me' I mean I have a new haircut. This might sound simple, but when you have dreads, it's easier said than done. It all started when I had a dream that I got rid of them and went to the hairdresser. Now, in the dream, I was asking for a Jennifer Aniston cut, which will not be happening in real life, but the seed was planted and I awoke feeling the need for change. Since I had a bout coming up, I decided to wait until after, so that my helmet would still fit, as my head is much, much bigger with dreads.

Let us pause that subject there so that I can go through the weekend chronologically.

So, we had our last round robin bout of the season on Sunday. it was against the Salty Dolls and was the most important one we'd played because the winner goes through to the grand final on September 26 against the Wild Hearses.

Ok so to start with, we were late to the bout by around 15 mins. Not a good look but I tried to break the tension by doing a little seductive dance in the stretching circle, showing off my new 'remixed' boutfit that Lady cadaver sewed for me. That didn't go down too well either, so I just stretched with everyone else.

The bout started and we managed to establish a nice lead early on and although we continued to stretch it out, at no stage did that bout feel easy at all. Each jam was a hard slog. I did lots of jamming but not too much blocking, which is fine either way. I had been mondo sick the week coming up to the bout, and I'm still recovering from my multiple rolled ankles. Oh wow was I sick and boy did I stink of garlic at the bout!! I had been drinking a concoction made of water, garlic, ginger and cayenne pepper to try to kick the cold. I was feeling better on Sunday but still pretty tired.

Anyways, I just have to put in a sequence of pics from one of my jams, it is my favourite block to date and it was courtesy of Crispy Saltbush (who is super lovely) of the Salties. That's me in the blue on the right. That's Crispy coming in to hit me...

...hehehe sorry Crispy but I just love that sequence! Anyway, we won that bout thanks to super teamwork - our captain (the illustrious Violent Krumble) always says that we have no superstars in our team, everyone has the same value and she is so right. Great packs helped solid jamming and that was that.

The funniest thing of the day was that the winner of the arm wrestle was a five year old girl. She chose Violent Krumble to wrestle. I was chatting to Krumbs after the bout and this is pretty much what was said:

Krumbs: 'I didn't let that kid win in the arm wrestle.'

me: 'what?'

K: 'she beat me fair and square. I couldn't beat her.'

Me: 'but she was five years old'

K 'yeah... she was really strong...'

Bahahahah lol Krumbs reckons that the little girl's Mum told her that she had been practicing for weeks hoping to win the raffle and arm wrestle Krumbs. Apparently Krumbs thought 'I better do the right thing and ler her win, be a good sport' Haha no need!

Another awesome thing is our fan base is growing! My lil Tricksey followers made the most unbelieveable mammoth cloth sign that they held up and they all came with eye stripes and top hats!! They love the Roadies and we love them:)

Ok then, so like I said, chronological, so back to my hair. I started to comb it out the day after the bout. To all the naysayers out there who said any of the following:

'You won't be able to do it, you'll crack the shits and comb it out'

'It will hurt like a bitch'

'it will take forever'

I say 'IN YOUR FACES' cos it didn't hurt at all, didn't take that much time and behold, I did not crack it and give up, here is my lovely new do...

Hahahahaha wtf??? I look like Axle Rose!! It's ok, my good mate Mimsical is going to cut it tomorrow so hopefully I'll lool less like Cousin it soon.

Ok, so I think I might make that it for now, I'm going shopping for a new hat that fits my pin head.

But... before I go, I want to complain about two things, cos complaining is what I do best. The first one is that reeeeeally old people should not drive. I went to the servo today to get a drink and a woman walked past my car, bent at the waist a full 90 degrees, using a walking stick and moving the speed of a lazy fart. I looked to my right at her car. It was parked diagonally across two parking spaces. If she can't park properly, how is she going to brake for children?

The second thing is that I love shiny sparkly things. I mean, I really, really love them. I'll turn into a drooling simpleton and just gaa at them. So, to the genius who put that ad for some kinda dishwasher powder with the word 'shine' in it made of giant silver sparkly discs that flutter in the breeze, I say boo. Boo to you sir, because you have pretty much ensured that I will rear end someone on that part of South rd. Bravo, I hope you're happy.

Bugger it - I'm going to complain about a third thing while I'm at it - and that THING is Kathy Griffin. I can't stand her. Kathy, you are NOT funny, you are a scathing, attention seeking pus ridden seeping herpes outbreak on the vagina of hollywood society. There. I said it. Now I will type the reply I sent to my bestie after he sent me a pic of her trying to look sexy with the caption 'I know you don't really like Kathy Griffin, but can you believe she is 49?'

me: '49? I wish she was 100 and dead. It's no wonder she looks good 4 her age, all that plastic surgery... pity it couldn't inject some youthful exuberance into her lame jokes.'

BOOM. Take that ranga.

hehehe

Til next week (aargh honours!!)

be nice to one another (but not ever kathy Griffin)

Tx

Even little miss chatterbox shuts up from time to time.

Two days to bout two. I have to say, I'm pretty excited. I had a little interview on Radio Adelaide this morning about it, with my derby Wife Champion Ruby. I always tell people that I have a face for radio (insert canned laughter here), but the full truth is, I don't even have a voice for it either. I freeze up! Now, absolutely anyone who knows me or has even met me for thirty seconds will attest to the fact that I am never at a loss for words... except in radio interviews. I have absolutely no recollection of anything I said, so I hope I was diplomatic. And scary. Us derby girls should be a little edgy I think.

So, this saturday is our second bout. We're playing the Mile Die Club. They're a really good team, last year's champions. I'm interested to see what they bring to the table, they have different strengths to the Wild Hearses so I imagine we'll have to change our game a bit. Maybe. Maybe we'll be totally kick-ass and rumble 'em, who can know? All I know is I wanna skate fast and stay outta the box. I'll report how it goes, especially if I skate fast, I'll probably just pout about anything else.

Moving on. So I've been doing my dreads lately. I would like to clear up a few things about dreads. Firstly, you don't have to be a dirty bag to have them. I wash my hair weekly, I'm very conscious of keeping them clean. Secondly, they're not an 'easy' or 'lazy' hairstyle. Admittedly, on a daily basis I don't have to 'do' my hair, just select a band to wear, but every couple of months when I re-do the roots, it's about ten hours of maintenance. Now, I'd like to rattle off a quick list of facts about them:

- They increase head size - if you're a hat wearer, contemplate this, I wear size 8' hats now.

- Same goes if you play a sport that requires helmets to be worn. Can be costly.

- They keep your head warm, which is good in winter, not so good any other time.

- They take a long time to dry. In winter, about two days.

- They increase coolness factor. Everyone knows only the cool kids have dreads.

- They complement tattoos very well.

- They can bring out the inner rasta in a person, also cool.

- They can be employed as weapons when the head is whipped around suddenly.

- This can backfire if they hit you in your own head.

- They can make your head pretty heavy. Not for the weak of neck.

Now, here is a little exercise. Above are three pictures of dreadlocks. Two of them are unhealthy, gross and probably house any number of living creatures, all sharing the love. One of them is me. pick the one which is me. If you need a hint, mine are the same colour as vanilla ice cream...

A guy came into work today, looked at my hair and said:

'Are they dreadlocks?'

I raised my head slowly and replied:

'Nope, I have a hundred-forty assholes on my head that shit white fuzzy turds. It's potty time.'

In reality, what I said was:

'yes they are.'

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE CAN THEY BE???

rant over.

In other news, it looks like I may be morphing into one of those metro, uppity coffee addicts. I'm fighting it (feebly), but it's hard when you're sleepy and still have shit to do. I used to only drink it to be social when out with my sisters, and I used to order a quarter strength. Now, I just get regular strength, and in a large size! I never believed it when people said they had a caffeine high, I honestly didn't. Now, I do. My heart felt like it was made of balsa wood and it was on top of an indusrial size fan, jumping and flipping wildly this way and that. It made me feel weak and ineffectual and I don't think I'll last long with this fad.

I'd like to finish off with a fact that I like. DID YOU KNOW that the first person to deliberately go over Niagara Falls was a woman? No? Well, let me enlighten you. Her name was Annie (not the orphan kind) and she was a school teacher in New York State. She figured that it would make her famous and thus, rich. She packed herself into a barrel with a pillow and a (I swear this is true) CAT and off she popped. Whaaaaaaat the faaaark? I do know that when I contemplate death-defying feats that are more than likely to result in my death, the thought of doing it without my cat is too much to bear, just too much. She survived. So did the cat. When the barrel was opened up and she emerged, her first words were:

'Nobody ought ever do that again.' How proper. Naturally, many people did but that's for another time. I learnt that fact when I was in Niagara falls, I did not make it up, even I couldn't make up something that dumb.

Well, that's it for now, until after the epic battle Saturday night,

Tx