Goonigoogoo

Every time I visit Snowy, we get closer and have more fun than the visit before. That is what happened on the weekend when I flew to Canberra to get my fix of cuddles and scrapbooking. Yes, I craft from time to time.

So upon landing I Canberra, I realised that they have changed the airport quite a lot. I wasn't worried, I'm pretty adept at finding my way around new places - if I can do it in France, I'm pretty sure I can master an Australian location. Snowy, on the other hand was slightly panicked. I thought I was supposed to go meet her in the carpark and all of a sudden she was walking toward me in the terminal! 'A lovely surprise!' I thought, but the truth was that after having to take a whole lap of the place owing to a wrong turn, finding her usual carpark was now for rentals and very nearly mowing down a pedestrian on a zebra crossing, she thought she better just come meet me. Either way, I was happy. She said that she thought the pedestrian was me, and I was waving madly at her to say 'look! Here I am!' but no, it was just a stranger trying to preserve her own life. I didn't realise how traumatised she was til I turned on my phone and found the following two texts:

Ok change of plan. They have changed the parking. I am going to the 10 min pick up. So if you can't find it just call and we will work it out

Then:

Oh my god this airport is gone to the dogs. Back to first plan.

Haha 'gone to the dogs?' I said, to which she replied '...oh, turmoil at the terminal...' hahahaha! I just love my family.

So then on the way home, we got to talking about her birth, which was really very difficult, long and painful for her on account of the drug they administered to bring on the labour - it also intensifies the pains. At the end of the story, as we slowly pulled up to a stop in the garage, she concluded the soliloquy.

'You know, people say that giving birth is supposed to be such an amazing experience, so natural and that the pain is short-lived and that you don't care anyway cos you have this beautiful baby? But it was horrible! I mean, the beautiful baby bit is true, but otherwise, it was fucked!'

Bahahahaha! Did I mention that I love my family?

So my nephew was still up, cos they're conditioning him for the daylight savings changeover. I wasn't sure he would remember me. I walked into the hallway and he saw me, starting flapping his arms and squealed. Stoked:) the last time I saw him he couldn't walk, and now he gets around everywhere like a little orangutan, waving his arms about his head. Actually he alternates between that and a great impression of a tiny drunk man trying to find the toilet after a bender. He, like his Aunty Wob (me) talks incessantly, but it is completely indecipherable except for the Dadadadadas and the Mumumumums. I always thought that old chestnut that babies say 'goo goo ga ga' was crap but it's actually true! He was gooing all over the shop! The best bit is that a lot of the time it sounds like he's saying 'goonigoogoo' and I was sooooo tempted to say 'what da fuck is goonigoogoo?' For more explanation on goonigoogoo, go here.

So we had just the most awesome week - they have a new spa and we spent a couple of nights in there sipping moscato and ensuring that my nephew didn't drown.  He loves the water!  He cracked it hard core when we had to take him out but since I am naturally adept at acting like a complete moron, I had him laughing again in no time.

One of the days we planned a walk to the shops, to purchase scrapbooking supplies and have a cup of tea.  Snowy was a little nervous, because the last time she walked that route, a dog attacked them and she only survived by inching away and yelling 'GET OUT OF HERE!' over and over.  I said to her: 'well... Dean used to play baseball, why don't we take a bat?' Now, I certainly do not want to injure an animal, ever.  BUT - you fuck with my family, you get brained.  So I took the bat.  The dog didn't appear, but I did have to take it out of the pram at one point to wave about menacingly at a magpie that was giving us eye slits.

So, once home, we began the scrapping.  I never knew I had a hidden love for this pastime, but it turns out I do, and I just have to embrace it.  I made this for Kat's birthday:

My last day there, we took my nephew to Gymbaroo.  It's like a place where the kids can play on equipment and then they have 'mat time' where they do little exercises and movements.  My nephew was not a fan of mat time.  I guess his rationale was 'why are we just sitting here when there is play equipment behind us?  I mean, c'mon, there's a scooter!!'  He squirmed around like a greased weasel and while I tried to pick him up, he threw his head back and hit it on the floor.  Tears, lots of tears.  I felt like the world's biggest asshole and worst aunty.  Then, after some Mum hugs, he was ok and it was time for the treasure bag.  Now, Snowy said that she had to chastise him on previous occasions for pushing past the other kids (who are all sitting patiently on the mat) to delve into the bag before anyone else, before even the carer said it was ok.  So, it killed me when he just stood there waiting like a good boy.  The funniest thing though was that the other kids were still sitting down and he was the only one standing - leaning over the bag at an angle, just looking.  So cute.  When they opened the bag, it turned out that there was 95% books and 5% toys.  He was considerably unimpressed and cracked it again.  I imagined him saying 'is this some kind of sick joke?  You make me wait for books?' Haha so I took him back on the equipment. 

From there we went to Lollipops, which is a wicked place for kids where they can play, and you can get a coffee.  BON.  It turns out that my nephew has a particular penchant for the ball pits.  Not so much to play in it, just to empty it.  Luckily they have one enclosed in a net, and that fixed the problem. 

They had a little teacup ride, with possibly the world's dumbest child care worker operating it.  They ran it once, and we couldn't fit in.  So, we waited for the next one.  We sat in it and waited.  She spun us around in it.  I nearly covered him in egg and grapes from breakfast.  Then she indicated that it was time to get out.  I said 'oh, you aren't runing it again?' to which she replied

'we operate it at regular intervals during the day.'

Oookaaay, but what about the kids that missed out? 

I then said 'so when's it going to be run next?' 

She said as she walked away 'oh just let us know when you want a ride and we will do it...'

o_O

how about right fucking now, you vacant dipshit?

She also couldn't spell 'avocado' when I ordered our lunch.  *delete*

So there's the highlights from my weekend in Canberra.  Needless to say, Kat loved the present I made her.  I think I will turn pro.

Next post will be a report of the upcoming bout between the Mile Die Club and Wild Hearses!

'til then,

Tx

back in the land of the living...

Ok so I had a dream about my Dad last night. I have these from time to time. In my dreams, he's alive again. Even though when I wake up and it isn't true, and I have gluey eyes from crying at some point, I like them cos then at least he's still alive in my memory. WHAT I EFFING HATE is that in the majority of them, he is still sick, and I am aware that the end for him is near. RIPPED OFF!!! What a cruel mind I own that I can have these blissful times with him again, with that hanging over our heads! Screw you, brain, screw you.

Anyway, so we had our second derby bout of the season last Saturday night, after which we celebrated so heartily that it has taken me until Thursday to be able to face a computer screen. We won! It was the epic battle I predicted, and I was smashed six ways from Sunday! I painted a black strip over my eyes in order to appear fierce (or like Adam Ant I'm told) and made up my mind to lay it all out. I tweaked my hip and sprained my thumb, but boy, did I skate hard. I tried my ASS off. I think i did ok, I scored a few points this time and I think I knocked a few chicks over, who can remember? I can officially say that I am addicted. Now, for anyone reading this who lives in Adelaide (all three of you lol), if you're keen to see some awesome derby and mad skills, you should go to The Great Southern Slam. It's the first ever national Derby tourny to be held in Aus, and we have it right here. It's next weekend, the 12th and 13th of June. For more info, visit http://www.thegreatsouthernslam.com.au/ and trust me, you NEED to see it. So, after our rumbling victory, we headed to the Wheaty to celebrate. They are one of our major sponsors, so they give us drink vouchers. As I was prattling on about something to one of our refs, I noticed some friends of mine trying to conince a friend of theirs to leave, as she was too drunk. She hung around to talk for a bit, she was funny and I found her amicable. She started to get animated with whatever she was saying, her arms began flailing wildly. She knocked my wine glass out of my hand and it smashed on the ground! This was fine by me, as I was already halfway toasted on free drinks and also, I love seeing things smash into smithereens. She insisted on buying me another. I told her that wasn't necessary, that I had 'these' and I showed her the vouchers. She was too drunk to tell what they were, so I said 'us derby girls get complimentary drinks'. She pulled my jacket wide open, took a look at my dress and squealed how much she loves derby girls. She didn't know I was one. Never mind that I was wearing the same dress as 14 other girls...

We went from there to La Sing, where I got more drunk. I found myself having a d & m with the trannie with fripples (she's really nice) and people kept stealing my drinks. I can remember getting disgruntled when the bouncer outside politely asked me to speak more quietly, so I was whisked into a taxi and sent home. This is where things get reeeal hazy. Remember after last bout when we got home and Kat put her bathers on? Well, allegedly, I got in the door and started stripping right away. Kat says that as I was struggling with my leggins, I started to sob. She asked me what was wrong and I said 'you don't know how hard it is!' Yeah, getting pants off is real hard. Thousands of horny drunk teens manage every day, but I can't get my head around the quantum physics of it.

Next thing I know is waking up at 8:30 the Sun morn. We had Adelaide training at 11. Since I couldn't open both eyes simultaneously, I pretty much ruled that out. My first words to kat were 'Oh bubba, my head hurts soooooo much.'

She said 'do you know where your painkillers are?'

'I don't even know where my own name is' was the best I could come up with.

Also, I was butt naked. I never, ever sleep naked. It makes me have bad dreams that I'm naked in front of people, which is a bad, bad thing. I pointed out to Kat that I was naked. She replied 'at least you weren't upside down', which was a good point. Often I wake up that way after a bender.

When I got up to pee, I found my clothes all over the house, I must have shed like a crazed whore. Luckily I left my Tophat in GoGo Fiasco's car, so it wasn't ruined. I can stand everything else, but that would have been tragedy.

So, I assume I had a great time Saturday night, but since I forgot to take my hangover cure, Sunday was horrible, and to top it all off, I got sick, so I couldn't train Monday either.

On the plus side, Tuesday kat and I went into K-Mart to get a new doona. I also bought a latex pillow, they rule, try one. Anyway, I was confronted with this:

and I had the most beautiful vision right there of me unzipping all the bags and flinging the balls far and wide, a cackling laugh ripping from my throat, my face distorted into a mask of terror, people cowering as the balls bounced off their heads and hands... staff rallying to intervene and slipping on the ocean of colour in their haste... I took this pic, sighed, smiled and left, thinking about what could be, if I ever had the guts to live outside my fantasies...

Now, one last thing to finish on - my beautiful girlfriend, who had a dozen roses sent to me today (just because) and I were sitting on the lounge Sunday night when she started to laugh. I asked her what was funny and she showed me an exchange of texts between us that neither of us remember from Saturday night. It goes like this:

Me to her: (little pics of hearts, the html on blogsport won't let me do it)

Her to me: ^_^ I love you.

Me to her: Vagina

Her to me: *bedroom eyes*

Me to her: Vagina eyes

And that's where it ended. I can't imagine why she opted out of that convo - it seems like it was going somewhere to me. My favourite thing is the lack of punctuation on my part - that's how you can tell I was really drunk.

Well, until nextie!

Tx